I know we’re not quite old enough to think about nursing homes, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. Sandy’s requirements are quite simple: Christmas lights strung around her room and a soft, stuffed animal on her lap will bring her contentment while in the nursing home.
Most of us will have more to think about, so prepare, we must. Here are some suggestions:
1. Downsize. The first step is to, da-da-da-da, de-clutter. Pairing down on sentimental objects isn’t a struggle for me because I no longer remember the stories associated with the objects. But items like the dog food bowl shaped like a crown? Maybe it should go since our dog, Jack, died in, what? 2007? I don’t want to burden my children with decisions about what to do with things like that trophy I won at bar night trivia in 1976. So, maybe, it should go as well? Yes! Hold onto the sentiment; take a photo; let it go.
Before getting rid of your stuff, there are a couple of rules to follow:
First, confirm there’s no “hidden” cash before donating or selling. My mother had so much cash in her coat pockets, Tupperware and vases, we could have bought a new travel trailer.
Second, never, ever, ever get rid of family members’ items without checking with them first. Selling the Super Nintendo System or beloved Legos may not sit well with the man-children. Or, what about that cafeteria tray your husband snagged from college? Probably not a good idea to toss it or introduce it to eBay.
Sandy gives her more precious possessions to the family’s younger generation. Never underestimate how much something you don’t use could be useful and appreciated by someone else. Although, my sons have responded to my sentimental objects with, “Nope. Not interested. Nah.” Wait. What?
2. Start video recording stuff your spouse needs to know when you’re gone. On second thought, I’ll be the one with tons of video instructions. I even find it difficult, if not impossible, to open a new pump bottle of hand soap or start the Bunn coffeemaker that’s in vacation mode. And, Mark probably isn’t interested in how to crochet or make a good gin and tonic.
3. Get your facial hair permanently removed. You can’t always count on family or staff to shave or pluck those hairs on your chinny-chin-chin. It’s difficult being in a home as it is, but as a circus freak? Unbearable.
4. Have a family meeting and hand out assignments. Someone can make sure I have enough Mork & Mindy episodes to watch. Another can make sure my eyebrows are penciled-in. Then there are duties such as sneaking in cupcakes, Cheez-in-a-can, liquor and cigarettes.
5. Get rid of your assets. My mother gifted us with money in her later years. Her attitude was “I’d rather give joy to my loved ones then give all my hard earned cash to the nursing home.” Good idea, Mom! I’ll start giving away the hundreds we’ve accumulated so far.
6. Assign a Power of Attorney for your finances. Again, see #5 to know how to get rid of the hundreds of dollars you’ve squirreled away.
7. Assign a medical power of attorney. My friend, Shelley and I have discussed this at length. We don’t want to be “unplugged” or have a “Do Not Resuscitate” order under any circumstance. Keep us alive! There may be a miracle or a new medical discovery around the corner. Note: If I start eating boogers or punching you when I hear the word “Bingo!”, then it’s ok to place the pillow over my face until it’s over.
8. Write a living will. Again, if I start drawing hieroglyphics with poop or the only words out of my mouth are “Cream Pie. Cream Pie-Pie. Slut! Slut!”, you know what to do.
If you can’t get these completed in time or agreement from family isn’t forthcoming, know that you can always move in with your children.
Ready boys?
You’re too funny, Irene!!
Love it! Great advice!
All very good advice! And let me take this opportunity to day – back away from the plug!!
Carol says…you make it easy!
First of all, it was the Nintendo 64, not the Super Nintendo you sold. Second #8 has scarred me for life.
Life isn’t pretty…oh, and sorry for selling the Nintendo 64!
I’ve been trying to get rid of things slowly. Daughter #1 lives out of state so it’s hard to get it to her. Daughter #2 says it’s all junk.
I’ve done the POA and the living will. I’m an only keep me alive if I will have a decent quality of life. I just hope I’ll outlive my dogs. ❤
I’m closer to the nursing home years than I want to be. Thanks for the insight and laughs