I’ve heard it countless times. I’ve said it. As we get older, we care less and less about “what others think”. We are proud of being brutally honest. But is honesty always the best policy?

There is a difference between being honest and being downright rude. I’m starting to think a large percentage of the American population doesn’t realize this. Not only are they making rude comments, they’re proud of it. They re-tell a story to their friends, bragging about — even exaggerating — their rudeness. It’s mind-boggling.

I can think of two explanations:

1. They feel anonymous
2. They are confused

FEELING ANONYMOUS

It’s true that the internet has made the world smaller. It’s made information, products and people accessible. I’ve reconnected with old friends and get to keep up-to-date with distant family members. It’s a wonderful thing. In a matter of a few minutes, I know who is struggling and who is celebrating, who is angry, bored or in love. I enjoy being part of their lives, even indirectly.

Then … I see THAT post. The one that makes me cringe.

I’m not a prude. I have no problem with scrolling past a post I find offensive. I have no problem hiding or un-friending someone. I believe wholeheartedly that everyone has the right to post whatever they choose. What I am struggling with are some of the surprising “opinions” of some of my friends and family. My gut clenches and I think “That’s not the person I know!” Either they’re hiding their true selves when they’re with me, or they are being someone else online.

Here’s a helpful hint: If you wouldn’t be comfortable making a comment or voicing an opinion to me in person, don’t post it where I can read it. Create a list of people that aren’t privy to your general, daily posts and please, put me on it! I want to see your vacation pictures and read about your family. I don’t want to know that you’re racist, anti-gay, into S/M or a member of a Hate Group. I don’t want to experience your anger, vulgarity or rudeness. You may feel anonymous and say things you wouldn’t express face-to-face, but I know who you are! And it changes how I think of you.

CONFUSED

I think we need to start using the dictionary again. There seems to be a lot of confusion about the definitions of some very common words and phrases.

• BE YOURSELF – Yes, I agree. We should all be ourselves; be proud of who we are. We should rejoice in our differences and embrace our quirks. However, “Being Yourself” is not a free pass to being a jerk.
• BE STRONG – The opposite of being weak is not being rude. This is especially true for women nowadays. Women don’t want to appear “weak” so they go to the extreme. They think being a rude, vulgar, loud-mouth shows us how “strong” they are. It doesn’t. It shows us that they are rude, vulgar, loud-mouths with a lack of compassion.
• BE HONEST – Again, being rude is NOT being honest. It’s being rude. We are not impressed and we’re not dying to be like you. You are making us uncomfortable and want to be around you less. If you approach me and blurt out “You’ve gained weight!” (“That dress looks horrible on you.”, “Your hair looks awful”, etc.), you are just being rude. If I ASK you how I look, and you tell me truthfully, then you’re being honest. Unsolicited opinions are inconsiderate, undesired and just plain rude.

I think everyone needs to ensure the words “Compassion”, “Consideration” and “Courtesy” are still in their dictionary. Irene reminded me of the episode on the Andy Griffith Show when Aunt Bee left town for a few days. She calls Andy and asks how everything is going.

Andy is standing in the kitchen, which is totally trashed. He doesn’t want Aunt Bee to feel anxious about leaving. His response? “Everything is fine.”

Is honesty the best policy? Not if it’s at the expense of others.

Are you experiencing the same thing? We’d like to hear from you!

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